You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to have the life and impact you want to have.  You can make up your own rules.  You can!

When I was in 3rd grade, I would get on the bus every afternoon after school to go home.  When I got on the bus, people would scoot to the end of their seat so that I couldn’t sit down.  I would finally find a seat to sit down and shrink down in the seat, praying the other kids would leave me alone.  

 They never did.  They would throw things at me and whisper, calling me names.  Just loud enough for me to hear and not the bus driver.  I would get to my stop and have to push through legs crossing over the aisle to the seat on the other side to get off.  Once I finally exited the bus, I was almost free; I just had to get home.

 There was one particular girl who was really nasty, named Linda.  Isn’t it funny how we can so vividly see our bullies and remember their names?  She would get off at the same stop.  Luckily her house was in the opposite direction as my house.  

 She would always give me a good push with some nasty comment before she went the other direction. 

 One afternoon I had a particularly bad day of teasing.  When Linda and I got off the bus, and she pushed me, I lost it.  I jumped on top of her, and a fight ensued (3rd-grade girl fight). 

 The next thing I knew, my mother was pulling me off her.  She grabbed my hand and started walking me up the street to my house.  I had a temper, and it wasn’t the first time I had gotten into a fight.  It was, however, the first fight my mother caught me in.

 As we walked to the house, my head down, staring at the ground, she was mad.  She was telling me it wasn’t ok to hit people, and it didn’t matter what they said I knew better.  I was crushed.

 I was a rule follower and hated getting in trouble.  I didn’t understand why, when other people were so mean to me, it wasn’t okay for me to stick up for myself.

 Fast forward 4 years later.  Same story, different kids, and different neighborhood.  I was in 7th grade, and the worst of the teasers was a boy named David.  He and his group of friends would follow me home every day, calling me names and throwing things at me, sticks, rocks, and anything else from the ground. 

 I once again couldn’t take it anymore.  I turned around and charged him.  We got into a fight, and he ended up running home crying with his friends.  I must admit it felt pretty good.

Until I heard the phone ring, and my dad answered it.  The phone at that time hung on the wall and had a short cord.  I had come down the stairs and was headed into the kitchen when I heard him answer the phone and say, “what fight?”.  

I froze. I bent down and hid behind a plant around the corner.  He couldn’t see me, but I could hear him. I could also hear the woman on the other side of the phone screaming at him.

 I knew I was really in for it now.  You didn’t mess with my dad.

I was straining to listen when I heard him say, “teach your son it’s not ok to bully my daughter calling her names and throwing things at her.  He got what he deserved.”

 What… did I hear that right?  My heart was pounding, and I quickly and quietly snuck back upstairs to my bedroom before he saw me.  I sat there waiting for him to come into the room.  He never did.

I went down to dinner and thought I was really going to hear it now. I knew the minute I sat down that it was coming.  I sat down and stared at my plate, too scared to look up.  I figured if I didn’t look at him, maybe he wouldn’t say anything.  He never said a word about it.

This is when I knew he had my back. I could stick up for myself.  I could start to make up my own rules.  And, yes, I know words are better than hitting.  It just took me a little longer to learn.

I’m not a rebel.  I’m still a rule follower to a point, and I tend to make up my own rules.  

When I look back at my life, I see many instances when I created my own rules and let go of rules that others made that didn’t feel right to me.

One of those made-up rules was an unspoken one. The rule looked like, as a woman, you are the caregiver. It’s selfish to put your needs first.  I watched my mother sacrifice herself to take care of everyone else. She never took care of herself. She put everyone else’s needs in front of her own.  She had lost a part of herself.  I could see it. 

I found myself repeating that same unspoken rule.  It’s not ok to put yourself first. It’s selfish.  For you to have a happy family, and success in your work, it took sacrificing yourself. I was following this unspoken rule. I was miserable.

I hit a point in my life where I looked around and decided this was a rule I could not follow.  It was killing my soul.  I knew there had to be a better way.  

I created a new rule for myself.  If I had to sacrifice myself, I wasn’t going to do it.  

This had been a rule of mine that I run everything through. It doesn’t mean there won’t be sacrifices. It means if I have a sacrifice a part of myself, it’s not worth doing. 

This has been one of the guiding rules I’ve created for myself.  When I really committed to this rule, my life changed dramatically.  I was able to go after what I wanted. I found that by not sacrificing myself, I was more fulfilled and happier.  I attracted better relationships both personally and professionally. I was more successful in my business.  

I’ve continued to create my own rules. I’m not a rule-breaker. I’m a rule creator.  

It’s not about what you are against.  It’s about what you are for.

What rules will you create in your next evolution? 

I would love to hear about them!

 Much Love,
Lauri