Ever since I was a little girl, I watched my mother put everyone before herself.  She rarely did anything for herself. 

Watching this and growing up around all the women in my life doing this, there was an unspoken feeling in me that it was very selfish to think about yourself before others.  

I’m sure I was a handful when I was growing up because one thing I heard often was how important it was to be considerate of others.  While this is a very good quality to instill in your children, it can go too far.

There is a saying I love “Your actions speak so loudly I can’t hear your words.”  The actions I saw from the women I grew up around said you have to make sure everyone else is taken care of before you even think about doing something for yourself.  

I watched them take care of everyone else, making sure everyone had what they needed.  I watched them wear themselves out and get resentful and angry.

This was normal.  I followed suit.  I learned to take care of my brother and sister and made sure I had all my chores done.  It wasn’t something I thought much about until I was in junior high.  

We had moved to a new neighborhood in Denver.  It was at the height of the bullying I was experiencing in school. We had these wonderful neighbors that moved in next door named Judy and Bill.  

They were a younger, newly married couple.  They loved listening to the Eagles and were really fun.  I loved being around them.

They seemed to take an interest in me, especially Judy.  She was an executive at Gates Rubber Company, and I thought she was fabulous.  I would see her come home and would always run over to say hi.

Looking back, I can see how annoying that could have gotten, but she never showed it.  She was always glad to see me.  I loved her stories about work and what she was up to.  Bill would come home, and I would watch them take care of each other.  

I also watched her ask for what she needed from Bill.  I was fascinated with the two of them.

Judy’s parents owned a ranch and ranch store in Franktown, CO. Judy and Bill would go out to the Ranch store every weekend and help out. They would often take me with them for the day.

I loved it.  I would take care of all the little chicks that came in, in the spring.  Bill taught me how to drive a tractor and load up coal for the people coming in to purchase it.  

I thought I was so tough driving that tractor and loading up coal into people’s trucks.

They taught me how to ring people up and customer service.  I had the greatest time working there when I went with them.

One day Judy and I were sitting on her front porch, and I asked her why they wanted to take me with them to the ranch store.  Judy said, “You have so much responsibility for taking care of your brother and sister all the time. We wanted you to have a break and time for yourself.”

At the time, I didn’t really get her answer, but it stayed with me.

It wasn’t until years later that I really understood the power of her answer.  

Culturally as women, we are taught to serve others before ourselves.  It’s selfish if you don’t do this. This has been going on for generations.  

It’s time to break the bond of serving others before self!

This is a sticky topic for so many women.  In my work, this is one of the areas that can have the most triggers and subconscious patterning around it.

In both my Joyful Play Rx method and the Wheel of Freedom method, putting yourself as a priority is essential.  

When you put everyone else first and do not put yourself as a priority, it affects your health, stress levels, productivity, success, and happiness. You can find yourself in overwhelm, burnout, and resentment.

You can’t care for the people you love and want to serve well if you are out of gas!

“Rest and self-care are so important.
When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow.
You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
~ Eleanor Brownn

There are a few simple steps to get you started. Take some time with these steps because this journey can be messy and sticky at times. You are facing old beliefs, patterns, and cultural ideas. 

1. Be honest with yourself. How often do you actually put yourself as a priority? Is it most times, sometimes, or hardly ever? It’s important to really look at where you are to get a starting point.
2. Start small and build from there. If you rarely or only sometimes put yourself as a priority, then you have a hard time receiving. The most important person for you to receive from is you. Allow yourself to find some areas where you can receive.
3. Start with small experiments. Create one or two small experiments around receiving. You could start by experimenting with allowing yourself to do something first before everyone else. For example, you could get ready for bed before getting your children ready. You could experiment with serving yourself first, taking a time out, and take a bubble bath with a do not disturb sign on the door. There are a lot of little things you could experiment with to test the waters.
4. Ask for support. Yep, this one can be a Biggy. Who could you ask for a bit of support from? Remember, you don’t have to do everything. When you allow someone to support you, then they, in turn, get to enjoy the chance to give.
5. Ruthless Compassion. I have an amazing friend, Jennifer Kartiganer, who talks a lot about the importance of Ruthless Compassion with yourself. This is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. The more compassion you have for yourself, the more compassionate you can be with everyone else around you.

The greatest gift you can give the world is to serve yourself. Fill your cup so you can fully serve the people you are here to serve.  

Much Love,

Lauri

PS: Feel free to pass this on to someone you think it could serve;).