If you have ever said to yourself “I have to get…” “I need to start making money, I need to… or “I should…” etc. you are setting yourself up for resistance.

How Language Affects the Outcome

First of all, let’s get clear on using language of “have to,” “need to,” or “should”.  When you use the words “have to,” this tends to trigger us or wake up what I like to call the brat. I have found most people who are entrepreneurs and working for themselves don’t want to be told what to do. If you are anything like I am, then those two little words wake up the brat.  The brat sounds something like “I don’t have to do anything,” “don’t tell me what to do,” etc.  Anything that has a “have to” in front of it, gets automatic resistance. Even if you’re saying it to yourself, watch what happens.

One way to know this could be you, is as a kid (or adult), have you ever said, “You’re not the boss of me”?  This will definitely be a bit of a trigger for you. I can remember saying this a lot as a child (and probably more recently, if I admit it).

When we use the word “need,” we are automatically in lack. The focus becomes what you lack – you need this. This takes you down the scarcity path, which will come across in your communication and conversations.

Then there is “should”. I am constantly telling my clients to stop shoulding all over themselves. No one likes a should.  We want to come from a place of choice.  When you set yourself up for a bunch of what you should be doing, then you trigger guilt or worse, shame, and usually reinforce a limiting belief that is lurking under the surface. This usually shows up as self-sabotage.

When we use these phrases, we are usually pretty attached to the outcome.  Attached to getting someone to say “Yes” to what you are offering. Then if you get a “No”, you take on the rejection and the negative self-talk starts.

How to Detach from the Outcome

What if you detached from the outcome? You set your goals, you know what results you want to get, but then go about the activity with no real attachment to whether the people you are talking to say “Yes” or “No”.

What this does is it lets you have conversations with people you would like to work with; it allows you to be open and really listen for what is best for the person you are talking to. You may find that you have a great solution for them with your product or opportunity, or you may find out that it isn’t the right time for the person you are talking to, or they aren’t right for your business. When you take this approach, the “No” doesn’t seem like such a tough rejection. It just makes sense.

Then you have the freedom to move forward to the next person you want to have a conversion with. Also, detaching from a certain result, often times allows for a better result than you may have thought you were going to get. It allows you to be curious and open to the right result happening.

The people you are talking to will also be able to relax because they will feel the openness and detachment and can be more engaged with you. It’s a win-win.

Here are a few steps to help you get started:

1. Make sure you have a clear plan of action with results you want and what activity is most important for you to do to get those results.

2. Focus on the activity and let go of the outcome of each activity. You have already determined how much activity is needed to get the result you want.

3. Experiment – Pick up the phone and have a conversation. Let the focus be on the conversation. The right people for you will say “Yes”. I always looked at getting a “No” as keeping me on my path. Hold your appointment and focus on serving the people who are there, and trust the process. Give it a try – I bet you end up with more sales and new team members.

4. Let people know it’s okay if it’s not for them. Let people off the hook. As you’re talking to people, let them know if this doesn’t resonate with them or sound like it could benefit them, it’s okay to say no. Please don’t say “there is no obligation”, this just creates energy of obligation for the person you are talking to.

5. Be open – you know your goal and the outcome you want. Let it go during your conversation or appointments. This will allow for a freer conversation so you get to know your prospect better, and they get to know you. This will always result in a better outcome, even if they say no. When you take this approach, if it’s not for them they may know someone that they will refer to you. It also makes it much easier for you to release them.

Detaching from the outcome of a conversation with a prospect, will allow for a much more relaxed environment. You’ll be able to be yourself, and really figure out what’s best for your prospect. You’ll also have a lot more fun doing it.

A warm welcome to this week’s new subscribers! I’m so glad you’re here.